toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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