would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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