OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize