dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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