No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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