i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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