I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
