Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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