I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize