u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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