i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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