man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize