I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
