i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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