I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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