I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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