i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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