if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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