you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
