I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Less talking, more tequila
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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