I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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