I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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