just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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