Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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