have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
