Ambien. No doubt about it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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