Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
