Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is wine microwaveable?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
