i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
