Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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