I hate your face
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
