According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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