Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
