I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
