Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
