So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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