yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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