I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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