3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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