Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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