just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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