I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
