Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
there is glitter all over my balls
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