I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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