ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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