i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
