I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
