There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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