she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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