Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
