You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
