my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize