The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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