I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
