the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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