its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize