real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
...so i touched it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize