I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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