3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
