if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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