He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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