Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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