Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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