I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
