piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
