Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
