twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so much tequila, so little girl.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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