i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
